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If you are a fan of snakes I apologize in advance. this is not a snake friendly article and did result in the death of a brown rat snake. I don't apologize. I let him occupy my garage as long as my heart could take it.
I have seen him over the last year or so at the most inopportune times. He was a climber so his appearances were often in places that were least expected. Like the time he fell off of my garage door when I put it up at spring break. (Never, ever stand under the garage door when it is going up.)
He kept the anole, salamander and toad population down for which I was grateful. However, I tend to view snakes like Indy.
I have seen him over the last year or so at the most inopportune times. He was a climber so his appearances were often in places that were least expected. Like the time he fell off of my garage door when I put it up at spring break. (Never, ever stand under the garage door when it is going up.)
He kept the anole, salamander and toad population down for which I was grateful. However, I tend to view snakes like Indy.
Last night, Madison and I had been at Tae Kwon Do practice. We came home parked the car and spent a couple hours inside practicing her moves and eating supper. About dusk we went out to the car so I could take her back to mommy. I drive a Dodge Challenger and Madison always leaves the seat flopped open so she can get back in. I haven't exactly been Mr. Clean lately either. Receipts and napkins on the floor board. I keep saying I am going to the car wash as soon as it stops raining. (someday soon I swear)
I like my car. It has been a great purchase, good mileage, looks great, speedy, and if I took the pink car seat out of it I may even get a second look at a stop light. I also try not to be to alarmist around wildlife. I don't want Madison to grow up scared of everything that moves.
Okay, I will admit. The roaches here in Texas are huge and have made my heart speed up. The one that flew in between my ear and my phone startled me. All right, I threw the phone and jumped up with a manly squeal. It was more of a high pitched grunt. I swear! I have been known to flinch when I grab the gate to the back yard and an anole is hiding in the handle. That was more of a yuck factor cause I wasn't expecting it. (Scrubbing your hand raw doesn't help. You still feel the damn thing for a day or two after.)
Last night, Madison jumped in the car and I reached for the seat. Something moved on the dash. I focused in to see something brown and slithery moving. Madison was very calm and collected as Daddy set a new standing high jump record. (I can clear three inches if I am motivated, apparently.) She noticed my movement and the ear splitting shout of a superior manly tone, I promise. (The neighbors dogs were whining in protest. Being as the pitch was only audible to our canine friends.)
My heart beating to the William Tell Overature, and my heebie jeebies under slightly better control I reached in and covered Madison's eyes as she was trying to get out of the car. I had moved the seat back and forth startling Mr. Brown Snake sitting on my dash. All 18 inches were coiled and ready after the seat had startled it. I didn't want her trying to get past it so I asked her to climb to the other side of the car. She just wanted to know why was there a snake on the dash.
This is where I redeem myself. I am such a genius it amazes me. I ran to the other side of the car and opened the door. Was it to much to hope that the snake could slither on through? I mean really. A tip of the hat and a good day? Apparently he wanted some tunes because he made for the stereo knobs. Madison was asking what to do. I was asking her what to do. I needed a snake catcher! (Is there such a thing?) Where were my gloves? Could I grab its twitchy little tail and yank it out? Indecision and decisions.
"Daddy, can I get out of the car he isn't going to bite me?" She is my hero. Look at the size of this thing! She wants to slide right by? It could expand that jaw and swallow her whole! (I will admit that is an exaggeration. I really had this image of the thing striking and hanging off of one of us.)
"Madison stay in the car at the back. If it moves yell for me. I am going to get something from the garage to catch it." She didn't like this idea but I was a chubby blur as I palmed my keys to get in the garage. What could I use? Two brooms like the one above were close at hand. I scampered back to the car.
"What are you going to do with those Daddy?" I planned to pinch it between the two and extract. If that bad boy fell to the floor board I might as well sell the car. I would never get him out. I reached in with my first broom.
Slapping it down on the snakes head I had it! I swept it towards me. I hadn't planned this out very well. He slid nicely along the dash and slapped against the door to land on the ground! I have on flip flops and no socks. Snake! The other broom scissored across to slap-shot the brown baddie in front of the car.
I am man! Hear me roar! (chest thumping may have happened as I struck the best snake beating pose ever seen) I lifted my raggedy Target Up and Up broom over my head. No choke up, I swung down ready to cut Mr. Brown Snake in half. Whack, whack, whack. Knees bent, shoulders into it. whack, whack, whack How dare you defile my car!!
Proper posture was important. Knees bent, high back swing. Whack whack whack. Pieces of plastic were flying. Little bits going everywhere. The first broom sacrificed itself valiantly bludgeoning Mr. Brown snake. He finally stopped twitching. I used the second broom to be sure. (I have seen the movies, you don't get close. That's when he comes back.)
I swept him to the side of the neighbors house, belly up, no more twitches. Madison emerged from the car. "Are you okay, Daddy?" She led me to my side of the car to have a seat. "You got him good Daddy. He's dead." The blood rushing in my ears slowed, I cleared my thoughts. Madison hopped in as I started the car.
On reflection I may have overreacted a tad bit. We think he slithered in through the vent as the car was locked and the windows were up. Once he was out I could have let him go. I just couldn't. He had challenged me in one of my sacred places. This is my Challenger. How dare wildlife think that I won't protect my bucket seat? I had images of him slithering into the floor and surprising me while driving. Popping from an old Chick Fil A bag to check my soprano voice. When I got back from dropping Madison off I checked and he made a meal for some lucky animal. I think.
Believe me. I poked around a bit before I got in the car for work this morning. Brrrr. Life in the city. What can I say?
I like my car. It has been a great purchase, good mileage, looks great, speedy, and if I took the pink car seat out of it I may even get a second look at a stop light. I also try not to be to alarmist around wildlife. I don't want Madison to grow up scared of everything that moves.
Okay, I will admit. The roaches here in Texas are huge and have made my heart speed up. The one that flew in between my ear and my phone startled me. All right, I threw the phone and jumped up with a manly squeal. It was more of a high pitched grunt. I swear! I have been known to flinch when I grab the gate to the back yard and an anole is hiding in the handle. That was more of a yuck factor cause I wasn't expecting it. (Scrubbing your hand raw doesn't help. You still feel the damn thing for a day or two after.)
Last night, Madison jumped in the car and I reached for the seat. Something moved on the dash. I focused in to see something brown and slithery moving. Madison was very calm and collected as Daddy set a new standing high jump record. (I can clear three inches if I am motivated, apparently.) She noticed my movement and the ear splitting shout of a superior manly tone, I promise. (The neighbors dogs were whining in protest. Being as the pitch was only audible to our canine friends.)
My heart beating to the William Tell Overature, and my heebie jeebies under slightly better control I reached in and covered Madison's eyes as she was trying to get out of the car. I had moved the seat back and forth startling Mr. Brown Snake sitting on my dash. All 18 inches were coiled and ready after the seat had startled it. I didn't want her trying to get past it so I asked her to climb to the other side of the car. She just wanted to know why was there a snake on the dash.
This is where I redeem myself. I am such a genius it amazes me. I ran to the other side of the car and opened the door. Was it to much to hope that the snake could slither on through? I mean really. A tip of the hat and a good day? Apparently he wanted some tunes because he made for the stereo knobs. Madison was asking what to do. I was asking her what to do. I needed a snake catcher! (Is there such a thing?) Where were my gloves? Could I grab its twitchy little tail and yank it out? Indecision and decisions.
"Daddy, can I get out of the car he isn't going to bite me?" She is my hero. Look at the size of this thing! She wants to slide right by? It could expand that jaw and swallow her whole! (I will admit that is an exaggeration. I really had this image of the thing striking and hanging off of one of us.)
"Madison stay in the car at the back. If it moves yell for me. I am going to get something from the garage to catch it." She didn't like this idea but I was a chubby blur as I palmed my keys to get in the garage. What could I use? Two brooms like the one above were close at hand. I scampered back to the car.
"What are you going to do with those Daddy?" I planned to pinch it between the two and extract. If that bad boy fell to the floor board I might as well sell the car. I would never get him out. I reached in with my first broom.
Slapping it down on the snakes head I had it! I swept it towards me. I hadn't planned this out very well. He slid nicely along the dash and slapped against the door to land on the ground! I have on flip flops and no socks. Snake! The other broom scissored across to slap-shot the brown baddie in front of the car.
I am man! Hear me roar! (chest thumping may have happened as I struck the best snake beating pose ever seen) I lifted my raggedy Target Up and Up broom over my head. No choke up, I swung down ready to cut Mr. Brown Snake in half. Whack, whack, whack. Knees bent, shoulders into it. whack, whack, whack How dare you defile my car!!
Proper posture was important. Knees bent, high back swing. Whack whack whack. Pieces of plastic were flying. Little bits going everywhere. The first broom sacrificed itself valiantly bludgeoning Mr. Brown snake. He finally stopped twitching. I used the second broom to be sure. (I have seen the movies, you don't get close. That's when he comes back.)
I swept him to the side of the neighbors house, belly up, no more twitches. Madison emerged from the car. "Are you okay, Daddy?" She led me to my side of the car to have a seat. "You got him good Daddy. He's dead." The blood rushing in my ears slowed, I cleared my thoughts. Madison hopped in as I started the car.
On reflection I may have overreacted a tad bit. We think he slithered in through the vent as the car was locked and the windows were up. Once he was out I could have let him go. I just couldn't. He had challenged me in one of my sacred places. This is my Challenger. How dare wildlife think that I won't protect my bucket seat? I had images of him slithering into the floor and surprising me while driving. Popping from an old Chick Fil A bag to check my soprano voice. When I got back from dropping Madison off I checked and he made a meal for some lucky animal. I think.
Believe me. I poked around a bit before I got in the car for work this morning. Brrrr. Life in the city. What can I say?